Prostitutes and Social Pariahs

Hi Mr. MK,

I have a ton of friends on Facebook that, let’s be honest, has taken me years to cultivate and grow... One could say I am proud of the numbers. However, I have no friends outside of my virtual world. It might be because I frighten people. I was a massive fan of Death Metal music and made the unfortunate decision to get a face tattoo and stretch my ears. I don't have money to correct either. How do I make meaning connections with people off of the web?

Thanks in advance,

CK

That is a strange problem to have. I have no idea what to tell you, I’m pretty stumped for once. I would tell you to hang out at Sawy Culture Wheel Metal nights and make some friends but if you’re not into Metal any more then you’re pretty much fucked, aren’t you? You’re pretty much a social pariah. You best bet is to invest in a balaclava and make it a fashion statement or become a musician/artist/circus act. Good luck you freak.

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Dear Mr. Moshkilla,

I've got a bit of a scheduling conflict this weekend. It's the '2erayet fat7a' of one of my best friends (like, the pre-engagement step) on Friday night, and on the exact same night, it's the wedding of another one of my friends! Both events are on opposite ends of the city so there's no way I can make both, so which do I go to?! One of them is my best friend, but it's a much less significant occasion, and the other is a wedding, which is hugely important, but the person is a lot less close to me... Help.

F. 

Think about it what is more important in the grand scheme of things: the start of a relationship that’s bound to end in divorce or a soulless socialite wedding only organised to please an archaic systematic societal procedure engrained in their parents minds as ‘successful’ living? At the end of the day, it comes down to which event has more free sushi.

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Mr. Mosh-Killa,

I'm having trouble deciding whether or not to accept a gift from this guy I'm dating. We've only been seeing each other for a few weeks, and I'm not sure exactly where it's going. The gift is really expensive...

Dee

If you don’t take it, you’re not really giving much of a choice as to where it’s going: he’ll immediately feel insecure to the situation and probably end it. If you take it then you are a prostitute. So think about it: Do you want to be a lonely spinster with no one who loves you or a prostitute with a Ferrari? I know what I would choose. Now, go get em’ tiger…

You can send all your dramas and dilemmas to Mr. Mosh-Killa on info@cairoscene.com or Tweet him at @MrMoshKilla