Welcome aboard this EgyptAir flight… familiar words that signal the beginning of an excruciatingly hellish ritual that involves crying children and awful in-flight entertainment. We've all been there. We've all shared the same thoughts.
We love EgyptAir; cheaper direct flights than most other airlines, the patriotism of 'flying the flag', their lax policies on luggage weight, etc. But travelling with them on their outdated Economy class does occasionally leave a lot to be desired. Here are some thoughts almost everyone has had at some point...
- Please don't be sat next to a fat person you think, please God don't be sat next to a fat person. Please just this once, put me next to some beautiful man/woman. We'll have a cinematic conversation for hours, arrive at an exotic far flung location, explore the city together and fall in love... 32C...32C...32C. The seat number is getting closer, you see a beautiful/handsome figure sat down on his/her own, your face lights up! But, oh no, he/she is in 31 C, their partner takes their seat next to them. You are sat next to a fat fundamentalist, he offers you lib.
- If I get a seat before the guy next to me comes then I will be able to put my arm on the armrest before the other person does, but if he's there first... queue subtle yet intense elbow wrestle.
- If I get a seat before the guy behind me, I will push my chair back and he won't have the balls to tell me to move mine forward. Pussy.
- What's that smell?
- The flight attendant has told you to put your seat forward on take off and the passenger in front of you has put his seat back. You contemplate telling him, but you don't, you're a pussy.
- That bag clearly doesn't fit into the over head compartments, please stop trying to stuff your entire life into one tiny space, that's not what it's for!
- Beef or Chicken? Ya3ni, plastic-tasting hepatitis C or prison food mold... you will have both because eating is one of the few fun activities to distract you from the aching discomfort of sitting on a plane.
- I don't want to talk to you, human sitting next to me, I just want to get to my destination with out contracting deep vein thrombosis or hepatitis. Please stop tapping me on the sholder to have a conversation.
- No matter how much make up that flight attendant is made to put on, she will not magically become pretty.
- I wonder if i would survive a crash
- This prison food mold isn't bad, maybe i'll ask for another plate.
- I'm not watching this film on the entertainment system because A) It will be heavily censored, B) The entertainment system itself will keep cutting C) It's the same films that have been on Egypt Air for the last two years.
- Howa 7ad bya3mel 3alaya nemra? Do you think some awkward bending side flap on my head rest that moves 2 cm forward is going to make things comfortable and make up for the inhumane spaces offered for me to sit in.
- I want to punch the crying baby in the face.
- Egyptian children are the most annoying; why don't parents know how to properly discipline them? I will punch the parent in the face too. I will use the child to punch the parent with.
- No really, what's that smell?
- Why is this person leaning over me to look at the same clouds that have been there for the past three hours? The view's not changing for a while sweetheart...
- We've landed, why is everyone clapping? Was everyone half expecting us to crash?
- Do I stay seated or get up and join the queue to get out first? Screw these losers I'm going to sit down in relative comfort and wait... but then I'll be out last, and the passport control and luggage and... and... I'll just get up and wait.
Apr 13, 2024
