The Importance of Friendzones

Once upon a time, there was a girl. She was irrelevant. In that same time that once was, there was a boy. He was also irrelevant. They were friends. The boy fell in love with the girl, and one fateful day, decided to make his feelings known. He told her I love you. She reciprocated. They lived happily ever after.

Wrong. What actually happened was the boy texted her "I love you" and after the girl ignored the message for the longest while possible, replied with an "Aww thanks," quietly asking him to return to the Friendzone from which he just tried to escape.

The Friendzone has been around longer than your average humans. When God decided to create the world, he started by creating this bottomless pit where many have entered and none have returned. For women, it has provided a fool-proof, steadfast way of avoiding unwanted romantic advances. For men, it has been (and still is) the stuff of nightmares; the monster under the proverbial bed. I've personally never been Friendzoned; some people attribute it to the fact that I'm a raging bitch with no friends, others to the fact that I'm a cheap whore, only viewed as a sex object, to be discarded after use. Neither is (that) true.

I thought I was smart enough not to have feelings for a friend, that I would never be stupid enough to actually fall for someone like that and risk the messy, sticky complications that would follow; until now, of course. Throughout this past week, two things I have become certain of: first, that 75% of all my "romantic liaisons" seem to live in Heliopolis and second, that I was definitely, surely, absolutely crushing on a friend of mine (who lives in Heliopolis). Not just any friend: an unattainable one as well.

My friend is someone I've only met a semester ago. A graduating engineering senior, Engineer is funny, charming, blunt, a bit of a drama queen and strictly camaraderie material. Yes, I obviously felt a little spark when we first met (but doesn't that happen with everyone I meet?), but I paid it absolutely no heed. It would never go anywhere with Engineer; we were too mismatched, from different worlds and I knew that perfectly well. I promised myself I would keep a level head, and not let this Taylor Swift crush get to me. But I immediately found myself laughing a bit too loudly at the jokes, racing to answer the texts, sharing morning coffees and bonding over cupcakes. However, this was all pushed and prodded by Engineer, who isn't guiltless of dropping hints and sending mixed signals. I mean, my birthday gift (which is literally in two weeks, FYI) is apparently a steak and wine dinner date, just the two of us; completely Engineer's idea. I'm not crazy, right?