Swear it All Over Again

As you know, I’m a woman.

And I know, like Lady Gaga, it’s been called into question at times, but I promise, all my lady parts are intact. Aside from having a vagina though, thanks to Egyptian society, I am constantly being reminded of the fact that I have a vagina. I mean I don’t know why I’m being reminded constantly that I have a vagina; I’m not suffering from Alzheimer’s or any other disease that is eating away at my memory to the point where I don’t even know what gender I am anymore.  

You may have become desensitizsed to it, but regardless of your sex, you know what I mean! Particularly, if you’re a woman in Egyptian society, you will have heard this phrase hurled at you often, at the strangest of times and by the most unsuspecting of people.

‘Mayenfa3sh…enty bent!’ (Translation:  ‘You can’t do that. You’re a girl!’)

Thanks for that, numb-nuts! Not only have you taken the time to state the bleeding obvious, but you’ve also put me in a box and taken it upon yourself to tell me (like I give a shit) what you think I can do or can’t do. You may not be able to hold an erection, but you don’t see me bringing that up or alluding to your penis every 30 seconds, do you?

Okay, this isn’t a ‘men versus women’ thing, by the way. I just want to take a moment to emphasise that (as usual), for that one guy surfing the internet looking for reasons to be like ‘FUCK THOSE FEMINISTS!’,  I’m attacking what I believe to be an irrational, impractical and fundamentally prejudiced cultural norm adopted by both men and women!

According to this way of thinking (which classifies everything in life according to gender as opposed to actual ability, because that makes a whole lot of sense), I can’t drive, I can’t wear what I want, I can’t say what’s on my mind… In fact, I can barely wipe my own ass in the privacy of my own bathroom without someone jumping out from behind the shower-curtain to tell me what to do.

And whilst I’m notorious for not giving a shit, nothing fucks me off more than people telling me I can’t swear because ‘I’m a girl!’ WHAT? When did that become a male-only privilege? Why can’t I say fuck, motherfucker, shit, goddam, fuckballs, asshole, bitch, dickhead and fuckface, without being looked at like I am a street-walking Jezebel???!!!

You know it’s true! There is an association there; in fact, there is a direct correlation in people’s minds between swearing and immoral sexual activity. When I say ‘dick’, people assume that I’ve previously signed up and taken the full tutorial and orientation session. When I say ‘fuck’, the assumption is that I am on the prowl for sexual partners and that I’m steadily mastering my way through a copy of Kama Sutra, the dirty whore edition. When I say ‘hey, read my BITCH articles on CairoScene,’ people look at me and don’t understand how a nice, ‘respectable’ girl, like me, can call herself a bitch, of all things?

My mother actually isn’t speaking to me at the moment because, in an argument with my sister, I might have blurted something out along the lines of “her mother’s cunt” and “whore”… In Arabic.  My sister hit me in the head with her fucking iPhone, but that, of course, wasn’t as terrible as the neighbours knowing that I know what Arabic swearwords are in circulation.

Swearing in Arabic …. That’s another line you have to be very careful when crossing as well, as a girl!

If swearing in English makes people think that a woman is a prostitute, well swearing in Arabic is the fucking stamp of approval. It is all the confirmation anyone needs to point their fingers in disdain and stone you to death!

I just find it pathetic. You may be able to get away with ‘whore’, but you can’t say ‘sharmuta’, even though it means the same fucking thing!