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15 Signs You've Aged

Here are some indications that you may have prematurely turned into a twenty-something grandparent...

When you go out to a party and someone asks you about it later, you shake your head with disgust and say "kanit kollaha 3eyal." Once upon a time, you used to be those 3eyal. Now you're the old people who complain about it.

In high school you could party until 5am and then wake up at 6am and head to school, looking bright-eyed and bushy tailed, the very picture of health, and you could take on the whole day of classes. Now, if you don’t get ten hours of sleep a night you have circles under your eyes the size of Russia and you spend the entire day praying for death.
You used to go to out on weekdays. Now, you scramble to find a legitimate excuse not to leave your house midweek. Sorry guys, I'm feeding my pet fish tonight.
 
If it's someone's birthday and you absolutely must leave your cocoon of happiness i.e. your bed, you suck it up and tell yourself you're being a good friend, get very stoned, and head out. 
You do a little jump for joy when plans get cancelled because now you can stay in bed with your joint/cookies and watch reruns of Modern Family
Thursdays used to be a thing. You looked forward to them all week. Now, Thursday plans gives you anxiety. All you want is some quality couchtime.

No matter how much lotion you apply your hands still look like the cracked claws of an 80-year-old man. 

You give yourself a pat on the back if you can make it one lap around the track. Walking, not running.

If you are ever in the horrific situation of having to take the stairs due to non-working/non-existent elevators, you consider ditching the situation altogether. If you must take the stairs, by the time you've reached your destination you're doubled over clutching at your chest for dear life. Death is near. 

The weekend is the time to catch up on your sleep. Not to go out and socialise with other humans. 
When you see someone ODing or throwing up from overdrinking, you just think "Aren’t we a little old for this?"
When girls are bearing too much skin, you raise your eyebrows glance at your friend and mutter, "Kids these days…What is she wearing??" 
When friends tell you an outing starts at 11 you ask out loud, "Why can't we go out at 7 and be home by 11? Why can't we just start our evening at a decent hour and be in bed by midnight?" 
When you see drunken couples hooking up against a wall at certain clubs which shall remain nameless but one of them is on the Nile and the other is downtown, just saying, you look at them with disdain and think 3eib. Even though you were a class-A harlot in high school and college and in no position to judge.

Your 75-year old grandmother has a more robust social life than you. 


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