Put Creativity Back in Costumes

Halloween, or the most excite-inciting day of the year for prepubescent teens with budding breasts and dropping balls, has largely taken on the arduous task of unleashing the inner slut of the human race. With all the nudist-inspired costumes that have circulated the occasion, I think it’s safe to say that Halloween merits being crowned a Rated R event.

No.

I feel like the inhabitants of Cairo (and the world at large) have forgotten the true meaning of Halloween. All Hallow's Eve is, in essence, is a commemoration of the crazed Salem witch hunts, where women accused of being witches would wear costumes and disguises to evade capture and a horrible fate of being burned at the stake. Now, being complete and rampant sluts on October 31^st kind of takes a massive dump on the whole tradition of the day, doesn't it? In all honesty, if you need an excuse to be a slut for just one day of the year, I'll take the liberty of reminding most of you that you actually ARE sluts for the other 364 days, so it would make more sense to dress up as something else. It is a costume, after all.

Chin up, ladies (and most gentlemen), for I have come up with a list of alternative identities for you to adopt this year. So leave the short dresses and pointy devil horns at home, scrap that hot shirtless hustler idea, because this is your unofficial guide for finding the perfect Halloween costume.

Maleficent: 

This holiday is all about witches, and who better to go as than one of the most badass witches of the Disney lore? While I am well aware of the fact that we're not seven anymore, there's no harm in making some modifications to the original attire and attempting to make it a bit more mature. Tight leather pants, thigh high boots, and a black cape with purple lining would fit the description aptly. Apply some shimmering, emerald green eye shadow, accessorise with a cane, and you've got yourself a mean Maleficent costume!

Sherlock Holmes: 

This one goes out to all the guys thinking of dressing up (or down) as a shirtless caveman, a shirtless pimp or a shirtless fireman to show off their hard labour at the gym (everyone can see your torso/pecks/abs/biceps in the 300+ beach profile pictures you have on Facebook). Nothing is sexier than class and wit, and if there's one man who combines both beautifully, it's Sherlock Holmes. I'm not saying old-English-tales-potters-around-country-homes-Sherlock, but think Robert Downey Jr.'s spin on the classic literary character is definitely a winner (control your swoons, ladies and most gentlemen). Slightly checkered pants (check Zara for those), a vintage vest, a thick leather belt, an ascot, and a three-quarters length coat (preferably in slightly shocking colours like purple) will piece the look together quite nicely.

Miley Cyrus: 

It's not like no one's thought of her. One of the more controversial pop-stars of the year, all you need to pull off the Miley look is a pair of nude tights, a nude crop top, chop off your hair (if you have the guts), style it into those slightly-disturbing meatballs she likes so much, and stick your tongue out! (*Twerking against the crotch of the first man dressed as Robin Thicke is optional and does not come with the costume. That is of your own doing).

Robin Thicke: 

Because who wouldn't want a Miley Cyrus look-a-like twerking against his crotch? (That's a resounding everyone!).

Britney Spears circa 2007: 

One of the most televised breakdowns in history, Spears embodies the true spirit of All Hallow's eve. It's scary, it's stressful, and it's a complete mess. Shave your head (or buy one of those skull caps that make you look bald, for a more moderate approach), wear a hoodie with short shorts, and proceed to attack any approaching van with a green umbrella; pure and simple.

These are just some ideas from the top of my head. The salient point is that Halloween is a time to unleash the creative in you: it is not the time to dress as scantily as possible. Nobody cares if you're going as a "Sexy Devil" because, newsflash, it's been done too many times (just check CairoZoom). Put some thought and effort in your costume and you might end up turning more heads and piquing more interests than that slutty mouse in the corner.

Here's a list of costume shops around Cairo to help you find what you need:

50A Concept Store, Zamalek: 50-A Mohamed Mazhar Street. Tel: 0100 333 1797 / 022735241.

Jumbo Gifts and Toys: 161, 26^th of July Street, Zamalek. Tel: 022737520.

Neverland: 8, Badr Towers, Next to Maadi City Centre, Maadi. Tel: 0102 600 6975 / 23103860 or 12, Ezzat Salama, Abbas Al Akkad, Nasr City. Tel: 0106 603 7915.

Happy Halloween!