Only at Egyptian Weddings

Egyptian weddings have the same problem MBC 2 adverts do; they don't quite match the score to the genre of the trailer. Likewise we still can't fathom why, in so many of these hotel weddings, when the bride and groom come out to reveal themselves to the attendees, this sort of dramatic Star Wars-esque music comes on that makes no sense, unless it's put on ironically by the (I am your)Father-in-Law.

Some love it some hate it, regardless, it's part of our tradition. And that's where it should probably be kept, in our tradition or at least at our traditional weddings. Zouba el Kloubatiyya was the first dancer to use a klob (candle lantern) balanced on her head during a zaffa, the Egyptian wedding procession, and the procession would usually wind its way through the streets of the neighbourhood from the home of the bride's parents to her new home at the groom's house. Bringing the Zaffa to a five-star-hotel setting where there are businessmen, prostitutes, tourists and makhbooteen only adds to the awkwardness and lack of intimacy to the situation. Zaffa and sushi don't mix.

If not drinking is part of either of the families' religious ethics the dry weddings make sense, although clearly not as fun to attend, but the less money spent on alcohol is more than made up for in quantity of sushi. Food will always be better at a dry wedding. Occasionally one part of the family will be less pious than the other at which point it's always amusing to see the blatant segregation of the starers and judgers and the party animals.

Because when not creating shit Top 40 dance music, Akon is in fact one of Egypt's most popular wedding singers. Add David Guetta to that list too, always on hand to entertain the little kiddies.

If you're a guest, weddings in the west are synonymous with finding love or at least finding a one night stand but it seems in Egypt, no one ever gets laid, we're not even sure if the bride and groom do. Not really sure what the point in the bouquet is either...