Thursday March 28th, 2024
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World's Oldest Man Dies

Jiroemon Kimura has died aged 116. We're training to be next oldest people alive...

Staff Writer

World's Oldest Man Dies

We are finally in the running to be something that we may actually be capable of doing and recorded in the Guinness Book of World Records: Jiroemon Kimura was the world’s oldest man alive when he died at 116 years old of natural causes. We are starting to doubt these “natural causes” since we discovered that evidently there is serious competition in being an old fogey. When Japan first made the record books with Kimura and his longevity, China was all like, “Oh no you didn’t,“ and apparently claimed that they had someone older; Luo Meizhen at 127 years old. Well, this rivalry did not last for very long because Luo died, and Kimura was the oldest G around for a bit. Now that he’s passed away, we are excited that we can be in the running; we have years of prep time! But first things first: we have to move to Asia, quit smoking, quit junk food, quit drinking, start exercising...