The Daily Habal

Officials from the Morsi camp were quick to react to the rumors, stating that “Sahel does not in fact exist and even if it did it would be haram.”  Our investigative journalists at The Daily Habal managed to locate one refugee who we will refer to as The Extraordinaire:

“All we wish to do is party in safety, that is our God-given right,” he said.

The Egyptian stock market has risen over the last few weeks, allegedly in response to recent presidential announcements. However, we have learned that the increase was in fact due to 19 year old Ahmed Mustafa Mohamed Ahmed from Tanta hacking into the stock exchange using nothing but a laptop.  Our sources have informed us that the password for the security system was: 123456.  The Egyptian interior ministry confirmed they will upgrade their security protocols by using at least a 10 digit password and installing Norton Anti Virus.

In other news, Mcdonalds are happy to announce that, starting October, they intend to use chicken in their chicken nuggets.