Cheaper Than Therapy

Mr. Mosh-Killa,
I feel like I should start seeing a therapist but I don’t have money to pay for one, what should I do?
Farah

Well you came to the right place!

M – Meditation

R. – Relaxation

M – Mindedness

O – Oneness

S – Sex

H – Holistics

K – Kit-Kats

I- Intuition

L – Love

L – Longevity

A -Anal

You’re welcome.

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Mr. M-K,
A really hot guy poked me on Facebook and we have no mutual friends and I never met him, should I poke him back?
Dana

Is this the same Facebook that is a constant stream (of the nightmarish nature) of our current eco-socio-political world, where you can’t blink without seeing children being slaughtered in Gaza, little boys and girls starving in the desert in Ethiopia and horrendous Egyptian jewellery designs being hocked to us innocent consumers? It is the same Facebook? Yes? Okay, just checking. Well Dana, I admire you, I really fucking admire you to be able to switch your brain off to all this nonsense and concentrate on what really matters like pokes. Pokes are the staple of our modern life; how would we ever gauge if a person like, likes us or not? I can’t imagine a world with out Facebook pokes. Okay, well what does this guy look like who has no mutual friends and you’ve never met? Does he look suspiciously like David Beckham with his top off? You’re welcome.

P.S. Yes, please poke me back.

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Mr. Mosh-Killa,
I have feelings for both my boyfriend and my bestfriend. Is it possible to have feelings for two people at the same time?
Sandra

I believe it is 100% possible for us to have feelings for more than one person at the same time. We as humans were not created to be monogamous, we forget that we are innately societal beings and are actually meant to ‘love’ everyone one this planet. Monogamy is usually just a product of attachment and not being in love and this sort of possessive attachment is irrational and not particularly healthy. As Kanye wisely said “Two tattoos: one read “No Apologies, The other said “Love Is Cursed by Monogamy”. Relationships are the antithesis of love, how can you still be in love with someone when you’re too busy nagging over who’s doing what, when and how? That electric feeling of doing something (or someone) you like for the first time is incomparable so my advice to you would be out with the old, in with the new! You’re welcome.

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Mr. M-K,
It seems these days all my friends are doing drugs at every party. I don’t have much money so what’s the most subtle way to get a piece of the action?
Omar

Great question. Well, the first step is identifying who possess the drugs and that’s hard to know if you’re not a regular drug taker. If it’s coke you’ll usually find him in the bathroom, the urinals will be completely free and he’ll be standing by one of the closed stalls. Even if all the stalls are closed no one ever really needs to take a shit during a party so you can guarantee he’s waiting for a friend to leave him a line. At this point just stand there, you don’t need to say anything. A druggie never wants to feel or let anyone know he’s a druggie so waiting for drugs makes him feel awkward. He will proceed to wash his hands 10 to 15 times, still waiting for his friend to finish.  He’ll leave then come back one minute later pretending to make a phone call in the solitude of the toilet. He’ll finish the phone call and then wash his hands again. By this time the pure awkwardness of the situation, plus his paranoid state from already being on drugs, he will give up all self-social awareness and finally offer you a line so he can stop pretending he’s not about to do drugs. People on E and MDMA are a lot easier to spot and to deal with. When you’re on of these party drugs you love everyone (including Tiesto), and want everyone to love you. Spot the guy with shades going mental dancing like Mr.Bobby on the dance floor humping people legs, even when there’s no music playing. Do has he does, mimic his every move next to him, not before long he’ll slip some MDMA into your drink or a pill in your hand. You’re welcome.

You can send all your dramas and dilemmas to Mr. Mosh-Killa on info@cairoscene.com or Tweet him at @MrMoshKilla