10 Reasons Men's Clothes Shopping in Egypt is a Miserable Experience
Between pumping trance music on in the fitting rooms and a total of three different t-shirt prints in existence at any given time, it's a tough life for a stylish guy.
So 2000 and Late
It's well known that the time between high-end collections being paraded on the run-ways of European fashion weeks, being copied, mass-produced and popped into high-street stores like H&M and Zara is only a couple of weeks these days. Whilst this reigns true for Europe, our own high-street branches will be lucky to get the newest collections within a couple of years. We can't wait for the left-overs of the Fall/Winter 14' collections to arrive in Spring/Summer 15'!
Fashion Fist Pumping
Psychoacoustics is the scientific study of sound perception. Many retail outlets utilise this science by playing music with certain rhythms, melodies and BPM in order to activate the part of your brain that will make you want to buy their clothes. In Egypt, if you walk into most high-street branches, you will be ear-fucked by a barrage of extremely loud vocal trance remixes that do not make you want to buy everything but instead, slice your ears off and slit your wrists.
Dude, where's my shirt?
In Egypt, men definitely know how women feel when it comes to the embarrassment of wearing the same outfit. If H&M or Pull & Bear come out with a new pattern or graphic, you can bet the 150 LE you paid on it that you will run into at least five guys wearing the exact same one. You think you were saya3 neek for buying it, thinking out of the box and being uber fashionable, you weren't. Don't lie, we know you, or someone you know, owns this t-Shirt...
And this one...
Underwear, Don't Care
Unless you're a big baller with a bigger bank account shopping at high-end fashion brands like Armani, Gucci and Calvin Klein is a no go with the countries expensive import rates, meaning it's Cottonil for you buddy...
Baba Knows Best
It doesn't matter if you're 30 years old, because behind every Egyptian man is an Egyptian father with a moustache, tucked in shirt and a wagging finger. Your father will inevitably call you out on any remotely forward thinking fashion choices you make. Those fetching new black boots you got that you think makes you hipster. Baba thinks you look like a sabaak. Those low cut carrot sweat-pants. Baba thinks you look like a baltagy, That man-bun... khawal tab3an!
Help Me Help You
You never quite know the difference between customers and sales assistants. The people shopping in Bershka are wearing Bershka, the people working in Bershka are wearing Bershka, and they both have this look like they're trying really hard to be fashionable, and they will both give you advice on what to buy.
We Live in a Material World, And You Are a Material Boy
Shopping malls in Egypt, where most half decent shops are situated, are like cattle farms. It becomes a mission to try to move about and find anything you want without fighting through the crowds and waiting for days to go to the fitting room. Inevitably you will give up on trying anything out and just purchase something, which turns out not to be your size. You will not have the willpower to go back and return it. Well played mall.
There's never any size M anyways, which is the most general fitting size for most men in Egypt. Maybe this is why most of the male population walk around with tops that are clearly way to tight for them.
Zippedy Doo Da, Zippedy Day...
Almost every item of men's clothing these days either has a leather patch or a zip on them. Why, dear God why? You just want a plain top, plain trousers. You have finally found something in your size, hallelujah, you look at the back. Shit! A leather pocket with studs, or a zip where your nipples are for all those times you need to put your belonging awkwardly danging in front of your nipple. Oh, sorry, it's a fake zip. a FAKE ZIP. Why!
You're wandering Downtown, and pass one of those stores where there's a thousand shoes stacked up in the window. Time slows down for a second and you see a pair that speaks to you. You know they would look great, you know they would be inexpensive, you contemplate walking in and purchasing them, then the second passes, you couldn't bring yourself to do it, it's bee2a you think... you look down at your bright white high tops that your Baba said made you look mo3aq... there is a zip on it. Why is there a zip on a shoe. Poor you.