The Empire Strikes Back

I have concluded that the Egyptian revolution was actually Star Wars.

The story of Star Wars is simple. The Galaxy gets taken over by a regime who claim they are there to protect the citizens from evil and, in doing so, become corrupt and turn into the enemy they claimed to be protecting the Galaxy from in the first place.

Then a bunch of misfit rebels manage to overthrow this well-established regime using nothing more than a few old space crafts and good old-fashioned determination. In the final scene of the last movie, the Empire is vanquished leaving our trusty heroes on the planet of Ewoks (a hairy, primitive race, not unlike the Salafis), cheering this victory against tyranny as they plan their own ascension into power. After this, it’s all meant to be happily ever after… hmmm.

Actually, after in-depth analysis this is my theory on what happens next:

Luke Skywalker makes outrageous claims that the Jedi (the new political force) will come into power with the aim of doing only Good. People will be free and the world a happier place.

Two years into this governmental change, Luke has aged perceptibly as several planets have now started protesting the fact there is no longer any security and their shipments of Unobtanium are routinely hijacked. Luke’s right hand man, Hans Solo, and his wife, Princess Leia, have been held on corruption charges as Hans has been using this security vacuum to obtain land on planet Nirvana, claiming that his services during said revolution deserved some sort of reward.

The biggest problem Luke is facing, however, is the Galactic economy. After the revolution, there are now millions of citizens out of work. As it turns out the old Empire was in fact supporting millions of families who worked on building the Death Star and other national projects.

Four years down the line, the Galaxy realises that all governments are in fact the same and all promises have been broken. The revolution, as it turned out, was never about freedom. The citizens of the Galaxy were pretty free as things were, while a  power struggle raged between the Empire and the Jedi.

With everything now in tatters, the people demand a return to the days of the Empire. They realised all too quickly that although ‘democracy’ sounded great, it didn’t put food on the table.